CJ’s Christmas morning

The Desk

This morning
I woke up ;
To a breeze for all to feel,
In a bed the size of queen.
I woke up;
To a feast for a feast of five
A plateful fit for four
A table meant for three
In this house the size of two’s
All for me;
for a set fit-
for one.


What is Happiness?

The Desk

“What is happiness?
I asked everyday-
while I look at your smile.

How is happiness?
I asked,  while I-
look at mine.”

Happiness? What is it? Where is it? When is it? How is it? Lastly, which is it?
Could it be heard –
On the gasp of a child receiving her first puppy.
Could it be seen –
On the arms of a soldier who had longed for his family after the war.
Could it be felt –
On the face of a woman with a man standing in front of her, knee bent over with a ring.
why is it that happiness is always something that is sought to find ?  always being found to achieve. Can one find happiness after it is lost? Can you say you found it while it remained lost? Can you be happy without happiness? So which is it? How do you define happiness?  Is it possible for happiness without happiness?
I don’t know yet but so far…
I think it is when you let it go. Happiness is holding on to the beautiful memories and letting it go one by one everyday even though it hurts. Happiness is smiling despite the tears. Happiness is accepting defeat against oneself but feeling the triumphed for acceptance. Happiness is when you find it but can never have. Happiness is being there but can never hold. Happiness is closing your eyes trying not see though it is very clear. Happiness is trying to feel numb despite it all. Happiness is now but lives in the past. Happiness is being there while not at the same time. So which is it? How do you define happiness? It’s just simply  letting the one thing that had made you found your happiness find its own though you are not there to cause it. It gives you both joy and tremendous sadness. It is as simple as trying hard  to be happy for happiness to find its happiness.

Charlie’s Note

The Desk

Hysteria filled the 6th avenue of kowloon as authorities and ambulance rushed to the house of the Chang residence.

This note was found in a pool of blood.


“Dear Mom, Dad and baby Susie,

Please forgive me, for what I am about to do…

but this is because I love you.

Things haven’t been going well for me lately.

I can’t take it anymore. the booze and weed can no longer numb the pain, and neither can the cracks.

I really do love you all, but the voice inside of me tells me it’s the right thing to do.

I mean, there are a lot of voices.I don’t know I can’t control myself anymore.

I love you all,

I’m sorry, goodbye.



Authorities found the note in a pool of blood,

beside three almost unrecognizable corpses; two adults and a child.


The eldest son, Charlie Chang, missing.


The Desk

Oo maganda ako.
bakit ginusto ko ba ito?

Ginusto ko ba ang taglay kong akit?
pini pilahan at hinahabol.

itong katawan na kahanga-hanga.
hubog na tila’y kinorte ng mga dyosa.

sa tingin ninyo ginusto ko,

na gustuhin ako?

ako’y nag iisa.
marami sila.

mahina ako.
malupit sila

oo, maganda raw ako.
gusto ko raw ba?


The Desk

It’s the first after a long time.

I ever so gently. Ran my fingers over her.

Caressing her cold, white, smooth surface.

That frigid skin that had been calling out for my warmth –

For so                         l                          o                                     n                        g.

The metronome is speeding up-

I swallowed my fears.

I let my fingers explore. Till I find the right key – G.

I let out a smile.

Haven’t played the piano for a while now.